NJ Teacher Suspended Indefinitely For Exposing Students to Yu-Gi-Oh! – Satire

Harold Wheeler, a 6th grade science teacher at the Harrington Park School, has been suspended without pay indefinitely after a Lightning Chidori was discovered in a students’ backpack by their parents. DNA evidence left on the card traced it back to Mr. Wheeler.

“I couldn’t believe it!” said Wheeler, 28. “I’ve been teaching the kids to play during lunch. What’s wrong with that?”

When we reached out for comment, one school administrator responded. “In this district, we pride ourselves on being vice-free. We have an extensive D.A.R.E. after-school initiative and all students are taught about addiction starting in 5th grade health. Yu-Gi-Oh is dangerous and has no place on school grounds.”

Despite the harmful effects of Yu-Gi-Oh, opposition to Mr. Wheeler’s suspension has been strong. Over 50 students staged a walk-out on Monday in support.

“It’s not fair. Mr. Wheeler’s a great teacher!”, one student said. “He helped me defend myself against that bully Jeff. I would have never beaten his Ice Barriers if he didn’t teach me that one-card XYZ strategy with my Zoodiacs!”

Other students defended him as well. “There was this boy I liked, but I found out he still uses vanillas. I might have actually asked him out if Mr. Wheeler didn’t help!”, said one girl. “I won a tournament with Skull Servants!”, said another girl.

However, some parents support the suspension, noting that their children seem distracted at home and always ask for money. At least one parent was sympathetic. “At least my kid doesn’t use X-Sabers anymore”, he said.

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